Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Fighting Stinks,

... I think the title for this post is probably the best ever. It sums up how I feel about fighting, in general. I hate it. I hate hate hate it.

I got into it with Eric. We always have a stupid constant banter going on, but this was a shit load more.

What it started over then what it turned into: Creek is what it started over. Typical Right? Fighting with your Boyfriend about one of your guy friends? NO! It turned into a full on arms waveing cursing shouting fight, about what else? Unicorns.

Eric and I were doing the dishes. I wash he dries, and puts away. That's just how it always works. He made a few jokes, and we talked about some serious stuff, like my Ribs healing, and then we joked around some more. My entire family was sitting in the living room. My phone rang, Eric answered it. Normal stuff. I asked who it was, It was Creek. Big Duh. When Eric hung up the phone he was fine, then 3 minutes later I made a joke about a very drunk Nun, and a priest and a herione addict. He was deeply not amused. I think Creek may have filled him in more than my notebooks did about some stupid shit I did when I lived at my Dad's. He asked some hard questions that I was not ready for. He asked about Charrleys Mom. He asked things about Mikkiey that I am not ready to face. He asked why Creek thought I needed to be watched when I took my Meds. Then I told him I wasn't ready to answer his questions, he started to yell, He said "AND, Why won't you fuc...." He paused to change the sentence around, and while he did that the entire house seemed to suck in a breath. He asked, still half yelling "Why in the hell is it so important for the fucking UNICORNS to wait to be free?" In any other situation this would have made me laugh. Not here. It pissed me off. He was jealous of the mistakes that I made. But I didn't say that, I had to keep up with his absurd question. "I think that the damn barn is better than the feilds for the unicorns because the barn pretects them from the WEATHER, dammit!" The living room was full of blue faced people as they stopped their laughter when I turned my 'shut the fuck up face' on them. Then I continued to yell at Eric. After about 5 minutes of the fight he walked through the kitchen and slammed the basement door. I walked up stairs and I have been sulking around, wanting to appologize, and defend my stance. I don't want to make any mistakes with him. I don't think that Creek ment to do anything but, he did ask Eric if my medication intake was monitered. Blah Blah.

Now I feel shitty. Not only did I fail to explain my past run-ins with some not very healthy choices, but I didn't make it clear why The Unicorns should stay in the barn, at least a little longer. If you get my drift.

TO ERIC: I am sorry, I know you are on the computer downstairs, I know you are going to read this before you come up to see me. Take all the time you need okay? If you want to stay down there for tonight that is okay, I understand. If you want to talk, you know where I am. I am really sorry. I love you. I didn't mean it, Okay? I didn't mean it when I said you were like him, I was just mad.

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